Our two child things (5 and 2) are currently in Hawaii, but we are a military family, and we live where the Army tells us. This blog is designed to keep us in touch with our family and the friends we have made along the way, to offer insight into our turbulent military lifestyle, and to share our experiences as we try out "homing school." So glad you stopped by!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Does the Military Make you Murder?

Two teenagers were killed by their mother last week while their active duty father was deployed. The details are pretty depressing, so I won't post them, but if you'd like to, you can read this article from CNN.
I don't particularly want to discuss the disturbing crime, but I would like to discuss some comments I heard regarding the situation. Some seem to think that military wives should not be left alone, that being alone for deployments creates too much stress in their lives, causing them to "snap."
Certainly the woman who committed this crime felt a lot of pressure, and the deployment surely made life more difficult for her and her children. But there obviously were some other issues here. The military lifestyle is not to blame. This women probably needed help in a lot of ways and, for whatever reason, did not get it.
There are thousands of women in this country who are also surviving deployments and are able to keep their sanity. In fact, most of the ones I know are able to overcome the stress to lead normal, even happy lives, while their husbands are away. I'm not saying we don't long for the day the deployment is over so that our families will be whole again, because we all do.
What I want to do is remind certain people, who may have jumped to conclusions, that the large majority of military wives can handle it. Though the deployment may be tough, we can take care of our kids, take care of our jobs, take care of our homes, and take care of each other without "loosing it." And then, when the deployment is over, we are ecstatic to have one more person back home to take care of.
Another thing I want to do is ask for your prayers for the family involved in this tragedy, and particularly this father. Thank you.

2 comments:

Bag Blog said...

I just dropped by after seeing your blog listed on Milblogs. You have a great blog going. The story you mentioned is quite tragic, but not the norm. I have always been amazed at military wives and their strength and support of each other. I am not military, but know a few families. I was a homeschooling mom, and now my grandchildren are being homeschooled. So, I know the struggles there. You go, girl!

engineeringmother said...

I dropped by after seeing your response to a homeschooling motto on the Teaching Responsibility thread, homeschooling page at ThePioneerWoman.com. Love the motto, too. “Train them [your children] as if they won’t have YOU tomorrow. Love them as if you won’t have THEM tomorrow.”
What happened was a horrible tragedy. Unfortunately, it is not unique to the military family. All over the world there are disturbed people who happen to be parents. That there is even one is too many. What I’m trying to say is the military life did make her do this. I am a (female) veteran myself and although I did not have a family while on active duty, I have one now in civilian life and there are major differences.
I realize deployment adds another dimension but one thing I’d like to point out, at least military wives have each other to lean on and give support to. As a single mom in the private sector, I do not. Unless I go around talking about it, which I don’t, folks don’t realize I’m a single mom. I have my immediate family and my church congregation to lean on (I’m lucky to have them) but there is no nationwide/worldwide network of moms with similar experiences to connect to. Many times I feel like I’m alone in the wilderness, forging ahead with no real relief and no one understands what my life is like. Certainly none of the men at my workplace do. I dare not miss much time for they will shake their heads and say “See what happens when you hire a woman, especially a single woman with kids?” Even though they don’t say that out loud because they’re not allowed to, they are thinking it. I’ve been in a man’s field all my working life and I know.
I was a stay at home mom for 8 years and it was THE hardest job I’ve ever had. I applaud you for homeschooling your children. As the only source of income for my family, I cannot. My sons have grown into fine young men (15 & 17 yr old) in spite of having a mom who works away from home. Most of the credit goes to a strong church upbringing. I will take some credit, too and give some to my sons themselves. I am very blessed in many ways.
I feel just terrible for that father and hope he can get through this with his sanity intact.