Redeployment Ball-Fun, Fun!

If you'd like to know why being an Army wife stinks, see my collection of blog posts on deployment. But sometimes we get to do fun stuff, too, like the military ball we went to not long ago. If I hadn't married a military man, I probably would not have attended a formal event (other than weddings) since my high school prom. And it's kinda fun! Actually, I'd say I have more fun at military balls than I did at prom. :P

So the military ball has all sorts of formalities and etiquette rules, but I have learned that for the most part, nobody really cares much if you follow the rules or not. Here's the basic format:
1. First there's a social hour, which is just mingling time. I love to "people watch" and take a look at all the gorgeous gowns! A ball is technically a black tie event, so if you follow the rules, you are supposed to wear a full length dress, but every ball I have been to, there have been women who wear "cocktail" style dresses, and they look amazing, too, in my own opinion.
2. Then you go through the receiving line, in which you are introduced to and greet the "hosts" of the event. There are all sorts of rules for the receiving line, like don't carry a drink. I stand in front of Scott as we proceed through the line (the woman always goes first). He introduces me to the first person in line (that person is supposed to already know his name and rank by checking out his uniform), but you don't shake that person's hand. That person introduces you to the next "receiver," whose hand you do shake. Then your names get passed down the line until you have shaken every one's hand in line. All these guidelines, but it usually turns into a disorganized mess as hundreds of people go through the line. :P
3. After the receiving line, you can enter the ballroom and find your table and place card, but you aren't supposed to sit down until instructed to do so.

4. When everyone is in, it's time for the formal portion of the ball. It includes the presentation of the colors, lots of toasts (including the toast to fallen comrades, which is a tear-jerker. I should write more about that one another day.), and the grog bowl ceremony. Oh, the grog bowl. A friend and I laughed at this last ball how at the most formal of the events, these soldiers act the most informal. All of the company commanders pour a bottle or two or three of alcohol into the grog bowl, and they explain to the ball attendees that each bottle symbolizes something his or her company has accomplished. Scott chose orange cognac (because orange is the signal corps color) and everclear, because his soldiers kept the communications EVER CLEAR during the deployment. You should have heard his company hooping and hollering. :) Also included in the formal portion is an awards presentation. My soldier was 1 of 3 people in the battalion who received the Order of Mercury. Way to go, Babe! Now he gets to wear a swanky medal around his neck when he wears his dress uniform.
5. When all the ceremonies are over, it's time for dinner and dancing. When you leave, don't forget to bid your hosts, who generally post themselves near the exit, farewell.

Yes, this ball was MUCH more fun than high school prom. I especially enjoyed this one because Scott was so involved in the program. It was so cool to see his soldiers cheer for him when he received his award and during his part of the grog bowl ceremony. And as always, it's just fun to get dressed up every now and then!

Military Pomp

Big event from last week: Redeployment Ceremony. I realize that to some of you, redeployment sounds like a bad thing. It seems that it should mean "deploying again," but no, it's a good thing! Redeployment means coming back from deployment. Yay for redeployment!

So we got to witness some real military pomp at the ceremony. First, all the battalions marched in, calling cadence, of course. Since Scott is a company commander, I was very proud to watch him marching up front, leading his company to the drill field. Here he is, in the front row, the nearest column.

When everyone was in place, several people of impressive rank spoke, recognizing some hard-working volunteers, and commenting on how spectacular the troops look and what an outstanding job they did in Iraq.

They do look pretty spectacular, don't they? Except for the smudge on my camera lens, of course.

Here's another foggy picture, but that's Scott in the center front, with the orange flag...excuse me, guidon...blowing into him. I tell ya, if rows and rows of saluting soldiers doesn't arouse some sort of patriotic pride in you, then come watch one of these ceremonies with me; I'm sure the military pomp will get to you. It's easier to feel patriotic, however, if you don't have two hot and bored kids pulling on your legs. Just a helpful hint from one who has been there.

Also, no matter how hot and bored your kids are at the ceremony, they will miraculously regain all sorts of energy if you take them to the "after party" where there is free pizza, fruit punch, moonwalks and face painting. :)

Superhero mask!

HE'S HOME!!

Wow, a lot has happened since I last wrote! Most importantly, we made it to Hawaii and have welcomed home our soldier! I have lots and lots of stories and pictures to share (birthdays, graduations, looong plane rides, illnesses, tutus, new house, etc.), but for now I'll just give a little recap of our special homecoming.

The day of the redeployment ceremony, we were all still pretty tired from our travels and from all sharing one air mattress, but we were excited none the less! When it was time, my mom-in-law and I loaded up the kids in the rental car and drove to the air field where we would soon be meeting Scott! Time passed quickly, so before you know it, the soldiers were marching in, the spouses were jumping up and down and waving, we said a prayer and the pledge, they sang a song and then the words, "DISMISSED."

Let me just say that I am soooo glad this year-long deployment is behind us, and it is soooo wonderful to have Scott home again! Despite my jet lag, exhaustion and trip to the ER, I am as happy as can be, and my world feels right again. :)

Can I just say that it was absolutely awesome to hug and kiss my husband for the first time in 6 months? The part that really made me tear up, though, was Child Thing #1's reaction to her Daddy's return. She was abundantly overflowing with pure joy!!

And this, my friends, is probably the very best day an Army wife can have!

We're Almost There!!

The weeks are growing few until this deployment is finally over! And I am SO HAPPY to say that! I cannot wait to have my family whole again and my heart whole again. Just the past few days, it has hit me how soon Scott will be coming back, and I have so much more joy than I have for a looong time. I wouldn't say I have been depressed or anything, but I have been...incomplete. I can live without him, I can even enjoy life without him, but I really, really like it when I get to live with him.

Ecstatic. Thrilled. That's what I feel when I realize how close redeployment is. And there is lots of other exciting stuff going on right now, too. Child Thing #1 has her first dance recital. We're planning a birthday party for both the child things before we leave. We're packing up our stuff to go to Hawaii. We have secured a rental house (just a block or so from the beach, if I may brag a little bit). It's all so exciting!

Of course, in the back of my mind lurks the question, "what if we don't like each other anymore?" And it's a valid question. The Army counselors/chaplains say couples develop coping mechanisms to deal with life alone and to deal with war, and those don't always mesh well when it is over. And they say the spouse left at home has had no other choice but to become very independent and self-sufficient, which makes the soldier feel unwanted. And the soldier has experienced the horrors of war, and that changes a person. Then throw in the fact that both are used to their independent routines and have to re-learn how to live together, and you have the potential for a big mess!

Maybe it's foolish of me, but I'm not expecting this "adjustment period" to be quite as rough as the last one. We have been there before, and we made it through and still love each other. So we know that if it seems bleak for a while, things will get better. As far as I can tell, this deployment has not been nearly as traumatic as the last, so perhaps Scott will be less affected by the "horrors of war."

So there's that, but for now I'm just going to be excited that he's finally coming home! And that my kids are about to turn 2 and 5! And that I will soon get to see my little girl on stage in a tutu! And that we are about to move to Hawai'i! And that we are going to live on the beach!

God is good to me!

9 Months Down

We have now passed the 9 month mark in this deployment. The end is in sight, and it's time to start thinking about moving back to Hawaii to welcome Scott home from Iraq!

The one word that sufficiently describes how I am feeling at this point in the deployment is weary. I'm tired of taking care of EVERYTHING in the house: cooking, cleaning, bills, taxes, garbage, laundry, pets, and I'm too tired to think of anything else, but I know there's more. That must be why God created marriage, so that two people could share the load.

My children are an amazing blessing, and they bring so much joy to me every day. I absolutely love being a mom. But I don't love trying to be both a mom and a dad. Trying to fill the roles of two parents is wearing me down.

And I'm tired of being lonely. I do have my family and Scott's family nearby, and that helps a lot! I am grateful to have had their support this year. But having them does not quite replace the husband-wife relationship, and that's as it should be, really.

I'm tired of worrying about him. Scott's actually in a pretty safe place this deployment, as far as war zones go, but there are still chances of bad things happening. And I certainly don't dwell on this because it would drive me nuts, but knowing, in the back of your mind, that the one you love could be in harm's way at any given moment...that will wear you out, too.

So yes, I am just physically and emotionally weary. Seems like every day ends with me feeling totally drained, even though I can think of no reason why I should be.

But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Soon our family will be back together, and I will have someone to help me do the dishes, figure out budgets, raise our kids and tell me he loves me. :) And I am an ARMY WIFE! They are the strongest people I know, so I can last three more months, no sweat. And, if the government happens to extend the deployment--say to 15 months or so--well, I know from experience that I can handle that, too. So, bring it on, deployment! I'm ready for 3 more months of you, but I will be incredibly glad when you are GONE!

Trying Not to Worry

Alright, I tried being positive and pointing out the fun part of Army life, but today I'm worrying again...so here is another angst-filled post from this Army wife.

You may remember that we just purchased some property, and we intend on making it our home eventually. One of the many reasons we chose this particular place is that it's in the best rural school district in the area. After we closed on the property, I, like any education-obsessed mother would do, browsed around on the school district's website, trying to picture my own children as students there.

While I was doing that, I came across one announcement that I thought was so cute and endearing. The yearbook staff was reminding parents of seniors to turn in baby pictures for the yearbook. If a picture was not submitted in time, the yearbook staff would use the senior's kindergarten picture.
*Tear*

Perhaps that announcement impacted me more than it would most people. That concept is so foreign to our family, though. My children will never attend kindergarten and 12th grade in the same school.
And when I realized that, the worrying began. What if it is very important to a child's development to put down roots and really let them grow? What if we are permanently damaging our children's psyches by moving them around all the time?

In my heart, I know that this isn't true. I have met lots of people who grew up in the military who are wonderful, wonderful people (I have met a few who are wacky, too). But I still worry that there is something my kids will miss out on. I'm just a worry-er, I guess. Especially when the one who keeps me balanced is on the other side of the globe. If I were talking to him right now instead of typing my worries, he would probably break out in song. "Don't worry about a thing. Cause every little thing is gonna be alright." He likes to sing me that song. Like I said, I'm a worry-er.

But...I can balance myself, too. Perhaps I should instead think about what my kids will experience that other kids will miss out on.

The Adventure

Lately I seem to be writing a lot about the hardships of military life. That's probably because I'm 8 months in to a deployment, which is one of the worst parts, and I'm tired of it! I am SO ready for this deployment to be over, but in the mean time I'd like to share with you what I think is the best part of Army life: the adventure!
Maybe my parents instilled a sense of adventure into me, or a sense of curiosity about other cultures, or maybe I was just a gypsy in a past life, but I love that we get to experience different parts of the world. Let me tell you, since my husband joined the Army, I have learned A LOT, and my views on the world have widened A LOT. We have lived in 4 different states, and everywhere we are stationed, we take trips to see the sights that are nearby. Within the Army, we have also made friends with people from all over the country, and even from other countries. And we don't just read about different places, different traditions and different cultures (and yes, there are definitely different cultures in different regions of the country), we experience them.
We got to go to the Big Island of Hawai'i to watch a volcano smoldering and play on a black sand beach created by its lava.

In Kansas, we took a day trip to visit the site of one of my very favorite childhood books The Little House on the Prairie. I probably enjoyed this little excursion more than Scott did, but he actually learned a lot and was quite impressed with the ingenuity of families like the Ingalls.

Now don't think that I am a vacation hog and only plan trips to places like Independence, Kansas. Here's a road trip that the husband definitely enjoyed.

These are just a few of the many, many wonderful and eye-opening places we have experienced because of the Army. Even though it's always sad to say goodbye to your home and your friends, it's exciting to know that the adventure isn't over.  We're always wondering where we'll end up next and what new things we'll get to see while we're there, and what is so awesome is that it could be anywhere in the world.
When this deployment is FINALLY over, we will be back in Hawaii for at least another year, and we plan to enjoy every minute of our time on a tropical island paradise. But after that, who knows?! Alaska? Japan? Colorado? New York? Germany? Missouri? Arizona? Korea? Australia? Louisiana? Washington?
Where ever it is, it will be an adventure, and I like the sound of that!

Turmoil

This evening Child Thing #1 (shown here loving on her aunt--with underwear on her head) and I talked about moving back to Hawaii. We've always known our stay in Texas would be temporary...just while Daddy was deployed, and she has been looking forward to returning to our tropical island home.

"I'm so hot! When are we going back to Hawaii?"

or

"It's too cold! When are we going back to Hawaii?"

Plus she misses friends there, and most importantly, it was her home.

But after our conversation tonight, I realized that she no longer consideres Hawaii her home. She considers Texas her home, and she doesn't want to leave her home.

So now I'm wondering again if I made the right decision when I chose to move home for the deployment. Before we moved, I debated it for months, and my #1 reason against moving was this: as a military family, we already have so much turmoil in our lives, and I don't want to unnecessarily create any additional turmoil.

But I made the decision to move anyway, and I have to admit, it has been great getting to spend time with all our family here. It's great that the kids have gotten to know their relatives. It's also great that I get to enjoy some fantastic Mexican food every now and then (no salsa made from ketchup! hooray!).

Anyway, as I have said before, the child thing handles the upheaval really well. But even though she doesn't lash out, that doesn't mean that the change is easy for her or that it doesn't have an impact on her. And it really breaks my heart to see her suffering (albeit quietly) from it.

Now that she has completely adjusted and views Texas as her home, it's almost time to move back to Hawaii and start the whole process over.

And I feel guilty.

Warning: this post contains both the word "breastfeeding" and the word "HOOAH."

"Did they pressure you into breastfeeding?"

At the time, I found the question curious, and I still wonder about it.

Child Thing #2 had just made his arrival into the world, and I was back at the doctor for a follow-up. Until the very end of my pregnancy, I had been seen by military doctors, but the last month or so I was referred to a civilian. And at this appointment, he basically asked me if my military doctors had forced the breastmilk/formula issue.

I answered "no" because I never felt pressured into it. The nurses asked me if I wanted to and gave me a brochure on the benefits of breastfeeding, but that was it. And actually, when my first baby was born and we had a horrible time learning to nurse, the hospital staff seemed to be pressuring me into switching to formula.

Surely I looked puzzled as I answered this question, because the doctor explained, "I just ask because I have a lot of patients coming from the military, and a much, much higher percentage of them go with breastfeeding."

That has left me wondering ever since then. Is his observation accurate? And, if so, why would more "military women" breastfeed than non military types?

Scott, who was at the appointment with me, said, "That's because Army wives are tough. HOOAH!"

You do have to be tough to go that route because, for me at least, it did not come naturally and was a huge pain at first. But I don't necessarily think that being an Army spouse prepares you more for challenges like nursing a baby.

Maybe it's because military wives have a harder time building careers (hard to do that when you move every few years), so there are more stay-at-home moms. And being at home with your kids definitely makes breastfeeding much more feasible. Props to all those working moms who ARE able to make nursing work, by the way...that is simply amazing!

I'm still curious about this, so I'm looking for input. I'd love to hear any theories or explanations on this topic...from military folks and civilian types. And, if you are in the medical field, have you noticed this trend, as well? Thanks, y'all. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Does the Military Make you Murder?

Two teenagers were killed by their mother last week while their active duty father was deployed. The details are pretty depressing, so I won't post them, but if you'd like to, you can read this article from CNN.
I don't particularly want to discuss the disturbing crime, but I would like to discuss some comments I heard regarding the situation. Some seem to think that military wives should not be left alone, that being alone for deployments creates too much stress in their lives, causing them to "snap."
Certainly the woman who committed this crime felt a lot of pressure, and the deployment surely made life more difficult for her and her children. But there obviously were some other issues here. The military lifestyle is not to blame. This women probably needed help in a lot of ways and, for whatever reason, did not get it.
There are thousands of women in this country who are also surviving deployments and are able to keep their sanity. In fact, most of the ones I know are able to overcome the stress to lead normal, even happy lives, while their husbands are away. I'm not saying we don't long for the day the deployment is over so that our families will be whole again, because we all do.
What I want to do is remind certain people, who may have jumped to conclusions, that the large majority of military wives can handle it. Though the deployment may be tough, we can take care of our kids, take care of our jobs, take care of our homes, and take care of each other without "loosing it." And then, when the deployment is over, we are ecstatic to have one more person back home to take care of.
Another thing I want to do is ask for your prayers for the family involved in this tragedy, and particularly this father. Thank you.

Little Girls Are Army Strong, Too

It's been over two weeks since mid-tour leave ended and Scott went back to Iraq, and we are starting to get back into the swing of things. Admittedly, it took me a while to adjust back to my self-sufficient lifestyle. Talk about spoiled! While he was here, I got to go to the bathroom without company, I got to cook dinner without screaming children hanging off of my legs and I even had help cleaning the pool. A girl could get used to that!

Though the adjustment was a little rough for me, I am so, so proud of how the child things have done. The baby is probably too young to realize what's going on. So, though he definitely enjoyed having another male in the house, he didn't seem to mind/notice when he was gone. But his sister...she understands. She's 4 1/2, and she's getting to the age where change can be traumatic, but she hasn't thrown any tantrums or fits, she hasn't whined, she hasn't "acted out" to get attention. All in all, she's probably taken it better than I have. The only sign of the turmoil I saw in her was that for the first week or so, she asked me for her bunny at bedtime. A few months ago, the bunny stopped being a requirement for bedtime and started being optional. But when Daddy left, I guess she needed the comfort. She is so tough, isn't she? She may be a little sad or a little confused, and she may be missing her Daddy, but she "bucks up" and doesn't let it slow her down. She may snuggle with her bunny to make her feel better at night, but when morning comes, she is happy and helpful.

Like I said, I'm very proud of them, and especially how adaptable child thing #1 has been in this turbulent situation. Way to be Army Strong, sweet girl!

There are Two Types of Goodbyes

This year will be our 6th as an Army family, and in that time we have done lots of goodbye-ing. I have found that there are two basic views on goodbyes in the military community. The first is the "Savor Every Last Moment" goodbye and the other is the "Get it Over With" goodbye.

I tend to believe that the "Savor Every Last Moment" goodbye is emotional and psychological torture perhaps on par with water boarding. Maybe that's an exaggeration. But it's awful!

The appeal of it is understandable. You're not going to see your spouse for months on end and you want to permanently stamp in your mind those last few seconds together. But uggh, to drag it out like that...and in the military, we're talking hours...it's torturous.

We prefer the short and sweet method. I already have plenty of memories engrained in my mind, I only need to hear "I love you" once, and I'd rather cry like a baby in the privacy of my own home, thank you very much.

Because I'm a cryer. And it's not pretty.

I'd rather give my soldier one last kiss and one tight hug and then get it over with and move on. I give myself a little time to be sad, and then I take a deep breath, find strength, and keep living.

R&R Highlights

Scott has been here! Six months into his deployment, he finally got to come home to us. We spent two marvelous weeks together, and he flew back to Iraq this morning, so today is what I like to call my recovery day. Basically, on recovery day, I allow myself to curl up in the fetal position and bawl, ignore the ridiculous amount of dirty dishes and eat ice cream for dinner. And lunch, if I so desire.

But...instead of dwelling on the sad idea that it's over, I'll think back to the fun things we did on mid-tour leave.

-a living room campout with a tent and fire for roasting marshmallows

-a little two-steppin' for mom and dad (it's been a loooong time)

-taking a drive to check out the acreage we are buying

-Children's Museum of Houston

-Lots of visiting with family

-Super exciting one: the kitchen was cleaned NOT BY ME!!!

*Sigh* It was a WONDERFUL time, and I would now like to publicly praise child thing #1. She has done SUCH a good job adapting to all these changes in her routine. She adores her daddy, and was beyond ecstatic when he came home, but she has taken his leaving again really well. On the drive to the airport this morning, she said several times, "I don't want Daddy to go back to Iraq." And she cried a little when we left, but mostly she has just been helping me. Apparently I'm more of a crybaby than she is.

As I said, this is my recovery day, so I am apt to randomly burst into tears. I really, really try to keep that under control in front of the kids because that just makes it worse for them. But, I was caught in the act once by child thing #1. When she saw my tears, she said, "I know what I'll do, Mommy." and ran out of the room. A few minutes later, she emerged with a hand-drawn family portrait.

"I made a picture of Thomas and me and you and Daddy," she held it up for me to see. "Any time you miss Daddy, you can just look at him in this picture."

And it was so sweet it almost got the waterworks going again...but she was trying SO hard to make me stop crying I was able to contain myself.

How blessed am I to have such a wonderful family?! And I'll be waiting for the day this summer when we are all together again!!

Army Wives and Stereotypes

"If the Army wanted me to have a wife, they would have issued me one." *Snicker* I've heard single soldiers say this over and over again, and though it does make me chuckle, it also reminds me of the stereotype people have of military spouses. And I used to believe this, too, so don't think I'm criticizing.

I used to think Army wives were expected to be submissive, patriotic baby machines with no personal career goals who were willing to keep their mouths shut and smile. This stereotype was furthered in my mind when, while in an Army Family class, the question, "What does the Army expect of you, as wives?" was answered by a fellow student like this: to sit there and be pretty.

Now I have a bit of an independent streak, and a bit of a feminist streak, so this got my blood pumpin'. I came home and told Scott that the Army had no right to expect anything out of me, and if they did, well, I just wouldn't do it...to prove a point.

But then he got his first assignment, and we moved to Georgia, and I met some of those submissive baby machines. And what do you know? Army wives certainly do not all fit into a box. I have met some who have children, and some who do not. I have met some who are stay-at-home-moms, and some who are lawyers. I know some who are quiet, and some who will speak their minds in an instant. I know some who love America with everything they have, and some who can barely speak the language.

There is one generalization I will make about military wives, however: they certainly are not submissive. They are strong, strong women. And I don't think this strength is "issued." When you love a soldier, you choose to be strong...for him, for your family, for other Army wives, for our country.

I said all that to say this: I am so blessed to have met so many strong women, and I am proud to be among them.

Things a Military Spouse Has to Put Up With #1

Things a military spouse has to put up with #1--living far from home.

About a week ago, my sister-in-law brought a precious little girl into the world (Congratulations, by the way!). Then she sent out this picture. Ack! So sweet! How can you resist such cuteness? And how can I wait another four months to meet my little niece?

I'm certainly not going to complain about Hawaii. I feel very blessed for the chance to live here for a few years, but being so far away from family may possibly be one of the hardest things a military spouse has to put up with. Maybe not as hard as deployments, but still...

When I was a kid, all of my extended family lived pretty close together, so we visited often and always had fun together. It's sad to me that my children won't have that daily interaction with their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins.

Even though the military life includes some hardships, like living so far away from family, it is not so bad. What life doesn't include hardships, after all? But really...how am I supposed to ignore that pink little bundle, just begging to be cuddled by her auntie Amanda? :)