We have now passed the 9 month mark in this deployment. The end is in sight, and it's time to start thinking about moving back to Hawaii to welcome Scott home from Iraq!
The one word that sufficiently describes how I am feeling at this point in the deployment is weary. I'm tired of taking care of EVERYTHING in the house: cooking, cleaning, bills, taxes, garbage, laundry, pets, and I'm too tired to think of anything else, but I know there's more. That must be why God created marriage, so that two people could share the load.
My children are an amazing blessing, and they bring so much joy to me every day. I absolutely love being a mom. But I don't love trying to be both a mom and a dad. Trying to fill the roles of two parents is wearing me down.
And I'm tired of being lonely. I do have my family and Scott's family nearby, and that helps a lot! I am grateful to have had their support this year. But having them does not quite replace the husband-wife relationship, and that's as it should be, really.
I'm tired of worrying about him. Scott's actually in a pretty safe place this deployment, as far as war zones go, but there are still chances of bad things happening. And I certainly don't dwell on this because it would drive me nuts, but knowing, in the back of your mind, that the one you love could be in harm's way at any given moment...that will wear you out, too.
So yes, I am just physically and emotionally weary. Seems like every day ends with me feeling totally drained, even though I can think of no reason why I should be.
But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Soon our family will be back together, and I will have someone to help me do the dishes, figure out budgets, raise our kids and tell me he loves me. :) And I am an ARMY WIFE! They are the strongest people I know, so I can last three more months, no sweat. And, if the government happens to extend the deployment--say to 15 months or so--well, I know from experience that I can handle that, too. So, bring it on, deployment! I'm ready for 3 more months of you, but I will be incredibly glad when you are GONE!